By Marisol Vega · Posted August 2025
Not a Resignation—A Reclamation
I didn’t stop dating because I gave up on love. I stopped because I was tired of abandoning myself in pursuit of it.
Dating, as a practice, began to feel like a job interview for a position I wasn’t even sure I wanted. The scripts were rehearsed. The sparkle performative. The silences heavy with what we weren't saying.
Emotional Labor Disguised as Leisure
Each date became a micro-performance of worthiness. Was I interesting enough? Feminine enough? Not too needy, not too aloof? The entire premise began to collapse under the weight of its own artificiality. I wasn’t dating—I was performing emotional contortionism for potential partnership approval.
The Pause That Became a Practice
I originally planned to take a 30-day break. No apps. No swiping. No “let’s grab a drink.” That break became a gateway into the deepest intimacy of all: the one I was neglecting—with myself.
I didn’t just stop dating. I started living without outsourcing my sense of aliveness to another person’s validation. I built rituals around my values, not someone else’s availability. I created joy and meaning without needing it to be mirrored back romantically.
Post-Dating ≠ Anti-Love
Let me be clear: I still believe in connection, eros, communion. I adore partnership. But I now approach it from a place of wholeness—not hunger.
I’m not waiting for someone to complete me. I’ve retired from the role of romantic job applicant. And I’ve become the architect of my own relational ecosystem—one that honors boundaries, mystery, interdependence, and delight.
That’s what N.D.A. is about. Not “no love”—but No Dating Allowed until the system changes and we reclaim what connection actually means.
And trust me… it’s so much better on the other side.